


glitter and gloom

by crownedcirce



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drarry, Enemies to Lovers, First Hug, Firsts, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, but mostly just a bit of confusion, im just emo okay that's all i got
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 07:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17997431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownedcirce/pseuds/crownedcirce
Summary: To Draco Malfoy, love meant slamming doors. It meant secrets, harsh whispers, pain and changed minds. It meant being left behind. It meant disappointment. To Draco, love didn’t exist, not really. Not for people like him. There was only fear.





	glitter and gloom

**Author's Note:**

> it's been... 9 years since i've written this pairing?   
> anyway, here's wonderwall.
> 
> the title of this fic comes from ["numb without you" by the maine ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT7epF0DfeM)
> 
> this is just short and dumb but comments keep me alive x

To Draco Malfoy, love meant slamming doors. It meant secrets, harsh whispers, pain and changed minds. It meant being left behind. It meant disappointment. To Draco, love didn’t exist, not really. Not for people like him. There was only fear. 

 

And so, Draco was afraid of Harry. 

 

There was no other way to describe it. He was bloody terrified, really. He was scared of the way Harry looked at him. Scared of the way he noticed Harry’s hands seemed to fidgit on their own accord when he was worried about something. Scared of the sharp point of his jaw when he was clearly trying to keep himself under control. He was scared of the tension in his own chest that appeared when Harry wasn’t around, and he was scared of the floating feeling in his stomach when he was; all tingly and light like flakes of glitter falling to the surface of his belly after being shaken up like one of those muggle snow globes. 

 

Draco was scared of how beautiful he was. He was scared that Harry could break him, leaving behind nothing but broken shards atop glitter that had finally drowned in the gloom of its own surroundings. Mostly though, he was afraid of breaking Harry in return. 

 

There was a time, he remembered, when breaking an idiotic prat like him was all he really wanted. He strived for it, even. He’s not sure when that changed. Or how. He just knew that it did. Now, he wasn’t sure what to do next. 

 

It was strange, though. To be scared of the thing you loved. To dance less-than-gracefully on the edge of saying something, spilling it all, but reeling your words back in with bitter, short-lived jabs. Love did not truly exist after all so, all he was left with was uncertainty and a lack of control. 

 

Harry was looking at him now. He looked back. 

 

Neither of them turned to look away. That scared him too. 

 

They were standing in the dim, flickering light of the dungeon at the entrance to the Slytherin common room. Draco was surprised really, that Harry had actually followed and come this far. Neither of them had said anything though, and Draco felt as though his tongue was burning. What were they doing? He needed to speak, he needed clarity, he needed Harry. 

 

“What do you want, Potter?” his words had come out much harsher than he had intended. He hoped that Harry wouldn’t be able to see the way a blush reached the tips of his ears under this light. Harry was too close, he was down here in his space and he just  _ stared _ . 

 

“I don’t know,” was all Harry managed to say. It was only a whisper. Everything was still so unclear that Draco couldn’t help the frustration bubble up in his gut. 

 

He just grunted in a half-response. He turned to the rough, cobbled wall. 

 

“ _ Sopophorous _ ,” Draco all but declared into the nothingness. The password to the common room. He was obviously losing his bloody mind letting Harry hear. This stupid boy had already driven him to some sort of insanity because he could barely find it in himself to care. 

 

Harry raised an eyebrow, obviously surprised. 

 

Draco rolled his eyes. 

 

“Not like you haven’t gotten yourself in here before anyway, come on.”

  
  
  


“What do you want, Potter?” Draco asked his question again. He was thankful that all the four posters in his room were currently empty. The two of them had managed to get up to the room without being seen. 

 

“I don’t know,” Harry repeated. 

 

“Don’t lie.” 

 

“I’m not a liar,” Harry retorted. He was killing him. This was how he was going to die. Frustrated and confused and agonising over the physical and emotional distance between them. Harry was so closed off and really, he couldn’t blame him. But, he was also standing much too far away from him, drowning his heart those green pools for eyes. “I just want…” 

 

Harry’s voice was shaky now. His eyes dropped and the expression on his face faltered. Draco could see that his hands were shaking, he was crumbling. This is exactly what Draco didn’t want. 

 

“I want…” Harry drew in a ragged breath. “I just.” 

 

Draco stepped towards him. It was just one step but it felt like crossing a vast void, one that they had constructed themselves. 

 

“I want to  _ feel _ ,” 

 

Oh. So, this was what heartbreak felt like. 

 

Harry trembled. He was terrified too, Draco could see that now. All he wanted to do in that moment was to settle the rising tide he could see building inside him. There’d been pain in Draco’s life, of course there had. Mostly mental, emotional. Some left permanent reminders. But he had never felt pain like the pain he saw in Harry’s eyes in that moment. 

 

He wasn’t sure why he did it. He wasn’t sure what subconscious instinct inside him told him it was okay. But, he reached out, crossing the space between them and touched Harry on the shoulder. It was gentle, tentative at first. Then, slowly he curled his fingers around in a more confident hold when Harry didn’t flinch or pull away. Harry seemed to calm a little under his touch, his ragged and hitched breathing began to slow. Draco gently pulled the other boy forward, slipping his arm around his back and pressing Harry into his chest. 

 

Draco could feel his own heartbeat rapidly pounding in his throat. Harry dropped his head onto his shoulder, his messy hair covering his face. Draco flattened his palm in the space between Harry’s shoulder blades. He took a mental note of the way that they seemed to fit together. He felt as though his hand  _ belonged _ there, that Harry belonged in the space between his neck and his shoulder. As Harry’s breathing slowed further, slipping into a sigh, Draco’s right hand slipped into the mess of dark hair atop Harry’s head. 

 

Draco wished he knew how to comfort him more. He wished he knew how to take whatever this was away. 

 

Harry shifted slightly, his lips grazing Draco’s neck. It wasn’t a kiss, really. But, it couldn’t be ignored or brushed off as an accident either. His lips were velvety soft, his breath hot and shallow just below his ear. It sent what Draco could only describe as sparks shooting down his spine, to his brain, his heart, his belly. It set his skin alight. 

 

He didn’t pull away. 

 

“I just…” Harry repeated, whispering against his skin. Goose pimples bristled along his skin, the fine hairs on his arms standing up. 

 

“I know,” he responded. “Harry, I know.” 

 

Silence. 

 

Draco realised then that he had used his first name. Somehow, despite their current embrace, the use of it had made everything so much more intimate. So much more real. Harry pulled away then and Draco cursed himself for a moment for ruining everything. 

 

But, Harry spoke then. Standing in front of him now but still close. 

 

“Do you love me?” Harry asked. Fear was clearly written in every worry line carved into the surface of his face. 

 

Draco’s heart stopped. 

 

_ Love doesn’t exist.  _

 

“Yes,” he replied simply. Despite himself, he could not deny it any longer. He did.  


End file.
